If I had a daughter.

If I had a daughter ,I don't and can't,but if I had a daughter and like girls of these days chooses her life partner whilst studying abroad or working in some multi national company would I able to stomach her choice , if the boy speaks a different language ,belongs to another caste and worse is of another religion?

I am no Neta to take a statesman like view and brush away caste, language and religion as irrelevant.And smugly reiterate that we are all Indians and that is what matters.

Does it Honestly I have my qualms .

What if she chooses a Punjabi? Their brashness---eat,drink and be merry is so scary , I' ll surely be wary.

What if he is a Bong?She will have to eat fish early in the morning to be a 'suhagan.' Very fishy.

What if he is a Guju. Ok all of them are vegetarians but have a fetish for cleanliness .Ponchoving--mopping the house thrice a day.An ocd in the bargain?How can I ?

What if he is from the Hindi heartland?Their over attachment to Rashtra bhasha will leave me tongue tied.

What if he is from North east?The dark and unknown part of our sub continent. Aren't they all chinkies with head hunters thrown in? I donot fancy becoming a dish on the table.

Now coming down South, what if he is a Andhraite? Though a love marriage he may demand dowry beyond my capacity and in the process of paying up, though being a woman I may become bald.So impossible.

If he is aMallu , aren't they all matrilineal and won't he escape to gulf dumping my daughter on my head?

If he is a Kannadiga there would be no language problem ,just substitute 'ha' for 'pa' , but if rains fail and Cauvery isn't flooded ,deadly clashes will break out within the family.

What if he is a Muslim . My house will be flooded with burkhas . Unthinkable.

What if he is a Christian I would have to redeem myself often for being a sinner.No ,never.

What if she marries an orthodox Brahmin. She will become a touch me not, bathing thrice a day.Better be away.

What if she chooses a non brahmin tamil? She will pierce her delicate cheeks with needles and tiny spears on festive occasions ,get into a trance and beat me with bunches of neem leaves . No way.

Ok I got married in a goody goody arranged marriage with 10 similarities in the horoscope but the gap between our families was like the one between Tetrayuga and kaliyuga. A clash of civilisations.

To click what is needed is luck.Maybe a blue blooded Chinese [eating snakes and all] would turn out to be a better husband for my imaginary daughter.Who knows?

Ps.What about Africans or westerners? My flight of imagination is stultified to India and Asia and refuses to spread its wings beyond.

PPS. Now don't you all get het up .This is only a flight of imagination ,intended to hurt none .It is just for fun. In fact there is a mini India within my family and extended family!

Photo.River Cauvery at Kallanai dam, when not in spate, near Trichy.